“Grief, I will let you have this moment, but you will not consume me.”
Affirmations and the Five Stages of Grief
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief provides a framework many of us lean on. Here’s how affirmations can intersect with each stage:
1. Denial: During denial, the affirmation may look like,
“This is my reality, and I will face it.”
At this stage, it helps you confront reality.
2. Anger:
“I let myself feel this anger but will not let it control me.”
The affirmation here helps you manage the seething emotion without pushing it away.
3. Bargaining:
“I accept that I can’t change the past, only how I react to it.”
Affirmations at this stage are about acceptance.
4. Depression:
“I am allowed to grieve, but not to despair.”
Here, the affirmation acknowledges the low feelings but fosters hope.
5. Acceptance:
“I carry your memory, but I move forward in my own life.”
This affirmation balances remembrance and moving on.
“I honor my emotions and let them serve their purpose.”
Case Studies and Therapeutic Contexts
In multiple psychotherapy approaches, affirmations have been combined with traditional techniques to treat grief. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) often includes positive self-talk, which is essentially affirmation under a different name.
“I have the power to heal myself, and I am getting stronger each day.”
Ritualizing Affirmations
Creating a daily or weekly ritual around your affirmation can amplify its effectiveness. Whether it’s lighting a candle, looking at a cherished photo, or touching a sentimental object while repeating the affirmation, the ritual can deepen the affirmation’s emotional impact.
“My pain is real, but so is my hope.”
Fine-Tuning Your Affirmations
Your relationship with your affirmations will change as you traverse the varying landscapes of grief. You’ll likely find that an affirmation that felt poignant in the first week loses its luster after a month. When that happens, don’t hesitate to swap it out for something that matches your evolving emotional state.
“My heart is a room where both sorrow and joy can reside.”
The Potholes on This Road
Let’s be crystal clear: Affirmations are not a cure-all. And some people find that certain affirmations can actually aggravate their feelings. If you find this happening, switch gears. Go for something that does resonate instead of sticking stubbornly to something that doesn’t.
“I listen to myself, even when it’s tough.”
Common Misunderstandings
Some think using affirmations during grief is a form of denial or avoidance. This isn’t the case when done properly. It’s not about bypassing your grief but giving yourself permission to have a moment of reprieve.
“I am not my grief; I am experiencing grief.”
Where to Start?
If you’re new to this, start simple. ‘I can survive this’ is powerful in its brevity and clarity. And remember, the affirmation you need today might not be the one you need tomorrow. And that’s okay.
“I can survive this.”
Further Reading
If you found this article meaningful, check out In Affirmations We Doubt. And That’s More Than Ok for more insights on using affirmations during challenging times.